


Upside Down

by SophieRomanoff97



Category: Once Upon A Time - Fandom, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Cursed Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Cursed Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Depression, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hearing Voices, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Hyperion Heights, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Medication, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Parent Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Parent Wishverse Captain Hook| Detective Rogers, Psychosis, Self-Harm, Team as Family, Tilly needs a hug, Unintentional Self Harm, cause it doesn't touch much on her mental health except the med talk, minor binge eating, slight canon divergence i guess, sorry - Freeform, the curse will be broken later on, though he doesn't know it yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-05-07 21:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14679960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieRomanoff97/pseuds/SophieRomanoff97
Summary: OUAT Season 7- somewhat canon divergent (in that we go into detail about Tilly's mental health a lot more)When Tilly feels upside down, there are only three people she can go to. When Rogers' comes to get her, all seems well until the voices start again. Louder and more insistent, Rogers' must help Tilly distinguish between the voices and reality, and calm her down.Tilly/Margot relationship, with Daddy!Rogers (though he doesn't remember who she really is yet) and Weaver, Roni and Kelly thrown in. The curse will be broken in later chapters and we will see how that affects Tilly's mental health.Not so good at summaries but basically this fic goes into Tilly's mental health. TW's are inside. Why not give it a go? <3





	1. I'm not bad

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there everyone! I've actually never written a Once fanfic before but I've been wanting to for a long time. I always thought my first ouat fic would be Emma-centric but this season I fell in love with Alice and so here I am.
> 
> Tw for mental illness'; depression, anxiety, psychosis, hallucinations and voices, dissociation, self-harm (maybe, undecided atm) etc. I have experience here so I hope it seems authentic.
> 
> I figured that the curse only did so much in relation to Alice's mental health and that some of it stemmed before the curse. 
> 
> I hope I can do them justice.
> 
> This is set pre-curse break, but more may be added after the curse (after I watch the finale ofc).
> 
> I hope you enjoy❤

Tilly wandered around the Heights, her trusty backpack over her shoulders, but no real idea how she came to be outside.

She'd been at home. Well her pre-home, the place she'd lived at before Rogers at invited her to stay with him.

She had been looking through her trinkets, deciding what she wanted to take back with her, then the next thing she knew, she was outside and walking by the troll under the bridge.

"Oh Mister Troll, I wish you could talk back to me." Tilly sighed softly, rubbing her forehead and looking around.

Her feet felt cold and they hurt. She found her feet very bare of socks or shoes and she just sighed again. 

It wasn't the first time it had happened and she doubted it would be the last.

At least she had her backpack. She fiddled around with it for a few minutes, pulling out random items before she found the phone Weaver had given her.

There were only three numbers inside; Weaver, Rogers, and Margot.

She and Margot had been getting on great, and the girl had seen her 'not so good' before, but this was still crazy even to herself, so she pressed on the picture of Rogers.

Waiting impatiently for him to pick up the phone, she tapped her foot against the gravel. There would undoubtedly already be bits of stone and/or glass in her soles already so it didn't matter much.

"Tilly?" Came the soft voice from the other end of the phone.

The blonde inexplicably found tears burning her eyelids. "I got a bit upside down again." She said quietly, rubbing her eyes.

"Where are you?" Noise clattered at the other side of the phone and Tilly realised he was picking up his keys and moving out the door.

"Um...I'm at the troll under the bridge." Her voice wavered.

"I'm on my way, stay there and don't move if you can help it. Okay, Till?"

"Okay." She nodded even though he couldn't see, clicking the end call button and holding the phone to her chest.

"Oh Tilly, always get so muddled up." She murmured, taking shaky steps to the foot of the troll and sitting down.

She hadn't a jacket and it was chilly so she placed her bag down and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Won't be alone for long." She nodded, watching the roads for Rogers' car. 

It wasn't even ten minutes later when the car pulled up and Roger' climbed out, holding one of his jackets.

"Tilly." He sounded relieved as he knelt in front of her, wrapping the jacket around her shoulders. 

"Hi there, Detective." Tilly smiled brightly, resisting the urge to hug him very hard.

"Let's get you home, yeah? We can have some sandwiches, maybe have Margot over for dinner." He said softly, gently lifting her up.

Tilly couldn't help the wince as her bare feet squished into the gravel.

"Sorry, detective, I seem to have forgotten my shoes." She chuckled nervously, eyes downcast.

Rogers nodded, squeezing her shoulder. "That's no problem, Till." He hummed, squatting down with his back to her.

"Here, jump up on my back, arms around my neck." 

Tilly smiled, warmth bubbling in her chest as she carefully climbed up on his back, arms secure around his neck.

"And up we go." Rogers' murmured, lifting her with ease, like he'd done it before.

"You don't have any kids, right?" Tilly murmured, leaning her cheek against his shoulder. 

"Not that I know of." He replied, almost sadly.

"Well I guess you have me, I'm like a kid most of the time." She smiled.

Rogers' chuckled as he unlocked the car and carefully lowered her into the passenger seat. 

He climbed into the driver’s seat and out of habit, reached over to buckle her seatbelt, in case Tilly forgot.

In twenty minutes, they were back home, a takeout bag of food in Rogers' hands. 

Tilly sat down on the couch, lifting her feet to inspect them. They were bleeding a little but nothing was stuck in them.

"What's the plan for today, Detective?'' Tilly tore open the wrapping on her marmalade sandwich, taking a big bite. 

She was hungry a lot of the time, but after an 'episode', she was often ravenous. Rogers' had known this and had gotten her two sandwiches and her favourite blueberry muffin from the bakery.

"Whatever you want. I was just doing paperwork all day, I can do that here." He handed her a napkin and knelt in front of her with the first aid kit.

"Feet up on the table." 

"Sure you don't mind being here?" Tilly asked, mouth full as she lifted her feet up. 

"Not at all, Till." Rogers' carefully cleaned and sprayed the bottoms of her feet, handing her a pair of thick socks to put on.

"There's no point putting band aids on there, they'll only come off when you move but these should help the pain when you walk." He patted her knee and cleared away the kit.

He gave Tilly a little time to eat her sandwiches and when she started on the muffin, he sat on the coffee table in front of her. 

"Tilly, did you take your meds today?" He asked quietly. 

The blonde hummed around a mouthful of muffin and nodded. "Yeah. But you know how it gets, sometimes things go upside down even with them." She shrugged.

"Alright." He nodded, leaving to get her some apple juice from the fridge.

He text Weaver and let him know Tilly was home and safe, and that he would be back in tomorrow.

When he got back to the living room, Tilly was talking to herself.

It wasn't unusual, she often talked or thought out loud, and enjoyed talking to inanimate objects. Most of the time it was second nature to her, and was harmless.

But this time Tilly looked distressed and she had her hands over her ears, her half eaten muffin discarded on the floor.

"Tilly?" Rogers' asked firmly, stepping into her line of sight.

"I'm not bad, I'm not." She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

She was rocking forwards and back, shaking her head at words only she could hear.

He carefully touched her knee and her elbow, bringing her hand from her ear so she could hear him. 

"Tilly, hey, can you look at me for a minute?" 

Her eyelids flew open and Rogers' could see that her pupils were blown wide and were full of unshed tears.

"Detective, they keep saying I'm bad, but I'm not bad, and I'm not mad, you said I'm not." Tilly shuddered.

"You are not bad, or mad." Rogers' shook his head, squeezing her fingers.

"You listen to me, Tilly, not them. This is our home, you're safe here and they do not get to tell you what or who you are." He said softly, but still firmly.

"I'm not bad." Tilly whispered, tears leaking down her cheeks. "So why do they keep saying I am?"

Rogers' didn't have an answer for that. Sometimes Tilly saw things, heard things no one else could. The pills helped but like Tilly had said, sometimes episodes happened even with them.

"I don't know, Tilly, but they're wrong." He squeezed her hand again, trying to ground her into reality.

Tilly shook her head again, breathing hitching as she closed her eyes again. 

"'M not bad. I'm not." She whispered, her free hand snaking up to her face. She hit her palm against her temple, growling low in her throat. "Shut up!" 

She pulled herself away from Rogers' and climbed to her feet, pacing the small room, from one side to the other. 

"Tilly-" Rogers' stepped towards her, lost. He'd gotten better at helping with these episodes, but she was reaching hysterical and her breathing was laboured.

One problem at a time, Rogers.

"Tilly, sit down for me." He touched her elbow and guided her to the couch again.

He cupped the back of her neck and gently pushed her head down to her knees a little.

"Breathe, Till, just like we practiced. In through your nose," He inhaled slowly through his nose, "and out through your mouth." He did that too.

"You're okay, you're here and they're not. You can breathe, you're okay." He murmured, gently coaxing her to take some deep breaths.

A couple of minutes later, Tilly had her breathing under control. But it was clear the voices were still bothering her. 

Rogers' turned the tv on, chose something harmless on the kids channel and turned it on loud. 

"Tilly, you with me?" He asked gently. 

The blonde nodded tiredly in response, rubbing her eyes. "They're not so loud anymore." She said quietly. 

"Do you want to take a pill?" He left the choice up to her. They had meds for times like these, they would make her tired and help with the overwhelming emotions and feelings, as well as hopefully quiet the voices. 

"I think...yes, that would be good." She frowned, fiddling with her hands, cheeks flushed.

"Till, you don't need to be ashamed or embarrassed about this." He shook his head, squeezing her shoulder. 

"I'm sorry about my muffin." She said softly, mournful eyes on the spilled crumbs on the floor. 

"Don't worry about it, I'll get another tomorrow, maybe two." He touched her knee and moved to retrieve her juice from the kitchen and get out one of the pills from the locked box in the back of the cupboard. 

Handing them to her, he watched her take the pill before walking around the room. 

He dimmed the lights and closed the curtains, picking up Tilly's favourite fluffy blanket and laying it over her. 

After finishing her juice, Tilly lifted her feet up onto the couch, shuffling until she was laying down with her head on Rogers' knee.

It couldn't have been very comfortable, but it would be useless trying to get her to move.

With the sounds of the tv in the background, and Rogers' humming softly under his breath, Tilly accepted the waves of tiredness that washed over her, and fell asleep.

Safe in the knowledge that Rogers' was watching over her and protecting her from the voices.


	2. Dinner and Margot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rogers' and Tilly make spaghetti and Margot comes to dinner, bearing gifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! My last chapter seemed to do pretty well and I'm so glad. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter.

Tilly woke up a few hours later, blinking in the darkness of the room. 

"Hey, Tilly." Rogers' said softly, letting her sit herself up and adjust to being awake.

"Detective." Tilly murmured, rubbing her eyes. "Was I asleep long?" 

"A couple of hours. But you needed it. I heard you up on the phone all night." 

Tilly flushed and dropped her head. "Sorry, I couldn't sleep."

"No need to apologise, I get it. That's why you needed the nap." he smiled. "Feel like helping me make dinner?"

Tilly grinned and hopped up from the sofa, stretching and nodding.

"What're we making?" she wandered into the kitchen.

"Something simple but good. Spaghetti sound good to you?" 

"Yeah that sounds great!" she hummed and headed to the fridge to grab the pasta sauce.

"Do you want it to be just us or do you want to call Margot and invite her over?"

Tilly grinned. "Really? she can come for dinner?"

"Of course. This is your home now too."

The blonde rushed over and hugged him around the waist. "Thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for, starfish. She makes you happy." 

Tilly hummed and stepped back. "Starfish?"

Rogers' raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "It just...slipped out. Don't know where it came from." 

"I like it." Tilly shrugged, smiling and walking to the stove to pour the sauce into the pot.

Rogers' nodded, confusion clear on his face. He had no idea where the nickname had come from but it suited Tilly very much.

He walked over behind her and hummed. "Smells good. You want me to add the spices whilst you call Margot?" 

Tilly grinned and kissed his cheek, humming as she headed back to the living room to grab her phone.

Rogers' was glad to see that the episode seemed to be over for the time being. She seemed a lot better.

"Margot will be here in twenty." Tilly beamed, stepping over to dip a spoon in the pot and taste the sauce. "Mmm. 'S good."

"Can you get the spaghetti? We can just leave it to cook until Margot gets here."

Tilly happily started the spaghetti boiling and turned to the fridge to grab a drink.

"So about earlier..." She started, pouring them both a cup of juice. 

"Yes?" 

"I'm sorry it happened. I didn't even realise it was coming until it was too late." The blonde sighed.

"Till, it's okay. It happens, and sometimes you can't control it. There's no need to be sorry about it." Rogers' reassured her.

Tilly shrugged and looked down at her juice. "It's just...I know it's not fun to see or deal with." 

"It's not fun, but it's something I do because I want to. You're important to me, Starfish."

Tilly flushed and smiled, nodding her head. "Okay."

"Okay. Go set the table?"

Tilly smiled and skipped off to put plates and stuff out on the table.

Twenty minutes later and the smell of dinner filled the apartment, when there was a knock at the door.

Tilly ran to the door and flung it open, grinning at the girl there. 

"Hey." 

"Hey yourself, beautiful." Margot hummed, bringing her hands from behind her back.

"What's all this?" Tilly asked, eyes shining.

"Presents for my best girl." Margot grinned, handing her the items.

Flowers, lilies because Tilly thought roses were overrated, a box of what seemed to be really expensive chocolates, and something in a brown paper bag.

Tilly cautiously peeked inside, her smile widening. "Who's this little guy?" she pulled a bear out of the bag, brown and super soft.

"It's a bear, silly. If you look at the paws and ears, there are different fabrics and textures. I know you like your tactile stuff so I thought with this bear, there's lots of different stuff to touch." Margot explained, almost shyly.

Tilly wrapped her arms around Margot and kissed her gently. "You are amazing." she whispered, her eyes wet.

"You are." Margot shook her head, smiling at her girlfriend.

"You have no idea how much this means to me." Tilly took her hand and led her into the apartment. 

"Are you okay, love? You seem a bit off."

It was amazing that Margot could tell something was wrong without Tilly even mentioning it. Maybe it wouldn't ruin anything if she told her.

"I...was a bit not good earlier." She set the presents down on the sofa. 

"Yeah?" Margot squeezed her hand. "You can talk to me, Till."

The blonde sighed and looked down at her feet. "I was...hearing stuff. Voices. It happens sometimes."

"Oh Tilly." Margot took her other hand and squeezed both her hands.

"That must be so hard." The girl pressed a kiss to the back of her hand.

"It is. Sometimes." Tilly shrugged. "The meds help and the detective is really good at bringing me back."

"You're not alone in this, Till. You've got Rogers' and me here to help." Margot vowed to do tons of research and learn how she could help her.

"I know." Tilly grinned. "I was worried to tell you, but I know now it was a mistake. You won't...run away if things get upside down."

"Never, Tilly." Margot was completely sincere. "You're my girlfriend and I'll always be here for you."

In the kitchen, Rogers' smiled. It was so nice to see that Tilly had found someone so kind and thoughtful. 

Tilly always struggled to make friends, but those two had just clicked.

"Hello Margot." Rogers' smiled, setting down plates of spaghetti.

"Hey, thanks for inviting me to dinner." 

"Of course." 

They all sat down to eat, chatting easily whilst Margot held Tilly's hand and tried not to make love eyes at her too often.

After dinner, Rogers' offered to wash up and head into his office for a bit so the two girls could spend some time together.

Sitting under a blanket, watching something goofy on the TV, Tilly leaned into Margot.

The bear sat on her lap as she rubbed her fingers over the different materials.

"Thank you for telling me, Till."

"Thank you for accepting me." the blonde said softly, leaning into the hand stroking her hair.

"I will always accept you. No matter what, and for forever." Margot said softly, kissing Tilly's cheek.

"Forever sounds pretty good." Tilly hummed, closing her eyes for a moment.

Forever sounded more than pretty good.

It sounded perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed! Thanks for reading <3


	3. The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for panic attacks, storms, triggers and unintentional self-harm
> 
> Hello everyone. I'm here with another chapter based on something I suffer with. I have ptsd on top of other stuff and storms trigger the shit outta me. There was one tonight and I decided to sit down and write this. I'm planning to do a Tilly suicidal fic cause that's who I am and I'm trying to figure out if I'm gonna do it separate to this fic. Anyways here it is.

A couple weeks had passed since Margot's first dinner at Rogers' home.

Things had been going amazing and Tilly was well and truly in love with that girl.

Her work with Sabine and the food truck was going well, she was finally bringing in her own money and it felt fantastic. 

She paid rent, helped with groceries, and around the house. 

On the surface things seemed great and Tilly felt great too.

But it didn't take a lot for things to start rocking and tonight was one of those moments.

Tilly and Margot were hanging out, eating pizza and laughing at the TV.

She didn't notice when the sky darkened and it started to rain.

Rain was great. She loved to go out and stand in it then get to have a hot bath and get comfy in warm clothes.

Anyway, everything was fine until the thunder started.

Tilly instantly stiffened, nails digging into the flesh of her palms.

Margot immediately noticed something was up, touching her hand. 

"Tilly, hey what's wrong?" she asked softly.

The blonde shook her head, whimpering softly as the room exploded with light and noise.

"Oh. Oh shit." Margot murmured. "Is it the storm?"

Tilly swallowed and nodded, shaking all over.

"It can be scary, sweetheart."

"Don't know what it is." Tilly whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. "Make me anxious."

"That's okay." Margot cupped her cheeks and gently kissed her forehead.

"It's loud and bright, it's understandable." she reassured.

Thunder rumbled again and Tilly pulled herself away, hands sliding up over her ears. "Please stop." she whispered, backing herself up against the wall.

Margot quickly followed, getting onto her knees in front of Tilly as the girl slid down the wall.

"Tilly, sweetie. Hey-" Margot put her hands over Tilly's hands. 

The blonde shuddered, tears making tracks down her cheeks.

"You're okay, Till, you're okay." She wrapped her arm around her shoulders. 

Tilly hiccupped and leaned into her girlfriend, breathing hard.

"Easy, babe. We practised the breathing, yeah? In and out. Nice and slow. Five seconds then nine." Margot quickly looked around.

Thunder crashed and Tilly let out a soft sob, nails digging into her temples.

Margot quickly gathered the things she needed before moving to Tilly.

She gently took her hands from her ears, wincing as she noted the crescent moons embedded in her skin.

She slid a pair of headphones over her ears, plugging them into her phone. She quickly played something Tilly loved (The Hamilton Soundtrack) and turned it up. 

She then sat in front of Tilly and took her hands, coaxing her through the breathing until she seemed more steady and even.

She wrapped her arm around her waist and helped her walk over to the couch.

Once Tilly was sat down, Margot wrapped a thick fuzzy blanket over her shoulders.

In a couple minutes, she had some lavender wax melting in the oil burner and was carrying Tilly's tactile bear and a cup of hot chocolate over to her.

She placed the items in her hands and put her arm back around her waist.

She could hear the music blasting from the headphones and when the thunder crashed again, Tilly barely noticed.

The blonde looked calmer and also exhausted, leaning into Margot.

The lightning was another issue and even the curtains couldn't block it out. 

All the fairy lights were on and she changed the channel to a kids show because they were brighter.

'Here, sing, me too, might help' she drew against Tilly's palm, nodding at her as the girl opened her eyes for the first time in ten minutes.

"We hold these truths..." Tilly started singing, softly and shaky.

Margot joined in, squeezing her tightly. "To be self-evident, that all men are created equal." 

Tilly smiled, even though she couldn't hear her.

"Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now."

As song after song played, the storm died down and soon the two girls were dancing in the middle of the living room. 

"What time is it?"

"Show time!"

"Like I said..." Margot span Tilly around, laughing softly. 

Tilly pulled Margot closer and kissed her gently. "You're amazing." she was way too loud because of the headphones and Margot laughed.

She could hear the storm had passed so she lifted the headphones. "Are you good without them? The thunder has stopped."

"I am." she squeezed her hands. "Thank you so much, Mar."

"Anything for you, my love." Margot smiled. "Continue the dance party?"

Tilly chuckled and nodded, pressing play on the music and taking her girlfriends hands. 

They spent the next half hour at least dancing and singing, only stopping to hug or kiss.

Rogers' had come in somewhere in the middle, watched for just a minute before smiling, ducking his head and stepping into his office. 

He may have taken a picture on his phone of them dancing and enjoying themselves.

He'd tried to rush home when he'd heard the storm but as it turned out, Margot had handled it amazingly. 

It was nice to know that Tilly had three people in her life who cared deeply about her.

Nothing could ever stop that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed, I'm not so sure many people are reading but that's okay. Hope I did okay<3


	4. Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Margot and Tilly have a date at the park. Tilly has a bad moment, but Margot brings her back. Mainly fluffy and cute chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

"Hey." Tilly beamed as she sat across from Margot at the bar.

"Hey yourself, beautiful." Margot reached for hand, squeezing gently.

"I'm on break in about twenty minutes, can I get you anything?"

The blonde hummed and tapped her chin. "Tea, please. A little milk and-"

"Two sugars." Margot smiled. "You got it."

Tilly flushed and ducked her head, rubbing the bracelet around her wrist.

"It looks like it's going to be a good day." she said softly. 

Unfortunately, she had spoken too soon.

There were plenty of good days. She worked with Sabine, she talked to people all day. 

She spent evenings playing chess and watching TV with Rogers'.

She hung out around the station and listened to Weaver talk.

When her and Margot had time off they would go on dates. To cafés, to their bookstore, to the park. They would have picnics, watch the sunset, read together.

So yes, she had lots of good days. But she still had bad days. And sometimes a good day could turn into a bad day for no reason.

Tilly was so sick of feeling out of control, and she was sick of having to constantly put it on those she loved.

Tilly and Margot had been strolling around the park, hand in hand, enjoying the sunshine and just talking.

Tilly had frozen, Margot almost tripping as they stopped.

The blonde stood in one spot, eyes staring at the empty bench.

"Tilly?" Margot touched her back, stepping around and in front of her.

"Can you see him?" the blonde stammered, trembling.

Margot looked over at the bench then back to Tilly.

"Tilly, love, there's no one there." she cupped the girls face. 

"No?" she whispered, brows farrowing. "I...I can see him."

"It's just one of your bad moments." Margot said softly, kissing her forehead. 

"He's...scaring me." She whispered. 

"Here, take my hand. Describe him to me, maybe we can make him less scary." 

Tilly exhaled shakily, fingers clutching the others girls.

"He...he's tall. Dark eyes. Just...watching me." She whispered, rubbing her eyes. 

"I'm right here. Look closer, does he mean you harm? Or is he just watching?"

"He...I don't think he wants to hurt me." She visibly relaxed a little at the revelation. 

"No?" Margot squeezed her hand encouragingly. 

"He seems sad." she said softly, leaning into Margot. "But he...he doesn't want to hurt me."

"That's good, Till." she knew some of the voices or hallucinations could be mean. They could hurt Tilly.

"How are you, feeling? Should we continue our walk?" 

With one last look at the bench, Tilly nodded. "Yes, I think we should."

Sometimes Tilly had bad days. Sometimes a good day turned into a bad day, and that was okay.

Sometimes a good day turned into a bad day and turned back into a good day.

With people who cared about her, it wasn't so terrifying to face all the bad.

And the good was really really good.

After more walking, Margot laid out a blanket on the grass and they both sat down. Tilly was in front of Margot, the other girls legs bracing hers as she leaned back. 

"I know the things you see and hear are scary, Tilly. But you're not alone and you never will be. You can get through it."

"I know I'm not alone." The girl whispered. "I was thinking...well Rogers' and I were...about me seeing someone. Maybe they can change my meds or...or help me figure out why it's happening."

"I think that's a brilliant idea. There's no shame in looking for help."

Tilly smiled up at her. "I'm sorry I have bad days. I'm sorry you have to deal with it."

"I'm not. I love you, Tilly, good days, bad days, every day in between. You're mad. I'm probably mad. But all the best people are. I know you. Your heart. The voices and the hallucinations, they're not you, they're just a little part of you. And they might not be forever."

Sometimes Tilly struggled with words so she only kissed the hand she was holding. "I love you."

"And I love you. You wanna eat?"

"Of course."

Margot grinned as she pulled things from her backpack. They just kept coming. 

"It like a bloody Tardis in there." Tilly laughed.

"A what?" Margot tilted her head. 

"Seriously? Doctor Who?"

The girl looked blank. 

"Oh babe, you have a lot of catching up to do." Tilly grinned. 

"We have all the time in the world." she promised. 

Picnics were one of their favourite things to do together. 

Good food, fresh air, sunshine, time with each other.

Margot handed the girl her marmalade sandwiches.

Tilly loved sweet things, and Margot knew all her favourites.

Candy apples, pick n mix sweets, especially the gummy strawberries, Hershey’s kisses, sweet soft pretzels and a share bar of Apollo chocolate. 

The girl also loved juice so Margot had brought her favourite fancy one from the farmers market; strawberry and orange.

That much sweet stuff normally lasted them at least two picnics, three maybe if they wanted to leave some. 

Tilly happily opened the Hershey’s kisses first, unwrapping one and popping it in her mouth.

Swallowing, she grinned. "And a kiss for my love." 

Margot held out her hand for a candy but instead Tilly leaned in and kissed her gently. 

Both grinning like idiots, they tucked into all the food, laughing and joking as Tilly opened the bag of gummies too excitedly and they flew everywhere. 

So yes, sometimes Tilly had bad days. 

But more often than not they could turn into good ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment!
> 
> Does anyone else need themselves a love like this cause sameeee.
> 
> <3


	5. Nightmares and hot chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Soon I'll be writing some chapters set post curse break but I don't think I'm there yet. I hope you enjoy. Trigger warnings still apply.

"No!" Tilly screamed, thrashing and fighting with everything inside her to get away. She had to get away. 

They would never stop chasing her. They would never leave her be.

As the figures closed in on her, Tilly sat bolt upright in bed.

Shuddering and gasping like a fish out of water, she reached over to turn the light on.

"Tilly?" Margot murmured, rubbing her eyes and sitting up too. "Are you okay?" 

Tilly pushed the bed covers off and swung her legs over the side of the bed, sticky with sweat.

"Nightmare?" Margot slid over and touched her shoulder. "It's okay, Till. It's not real." She said softly.

Tilly shivered and leaned into her touch, Margot wrapping her arms around her back and holding her close.

"It.. it felt so real." The girl whispered, not daring close her eyes in case the images came back. 

"Was it them again?" The blonde asked softly, chin against her shoulder.

Tilly nodded, rubbing her eyes. "Why won't they leave me alone?"

"We'll figure it out, love. We always do." She squeezed her gently. 

"Here, let's go downstairs and get some hot chocolate. We have some cupcakes left over from yesterday."

Margot stood and wrapped a thick cardigan around Tilly, helping her put on slippers before taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen.

She turned on all the soft lights and pulled out a chair for Tilly to sit.

She set about making good old fashioned hot chocolate on the stove, putting some of their rainbow sprinkle cupcakes out on a plate. 

Red velvet was Tilly's favourite and chocolate was Margot's so they'd mixed both batters together and they had come out surprisingly really good. 

They'd had fun making icing and decorating them with different things. 

Tilly had spread batter over her cheek and they'd spent ten minutes having a mini food fight in the kitchen.

She fell in love with that girl more and more each day.

Tilly reached for one, still trembling as she peeled off the casing and took a bite. 

Margot poured the hot chocolate into cheesy matching mugs that both said 'her better half'. Rogers' had gotten them for the girls as a joke but they thought they were brilliant. 

She put a generous amount of whipped cream on both, finishing it off with cinnamon and some mini marshmallows. 

With a warm drink in hand, Tilly started to shake the nightmare off. 

She didn't understand them, probably never would. They were scary, but Margot was there to remind her that they weren't real and even though they weren't understood they couldn't hurt her.

The blonde wrapped her arm around her girlfriend, happily eating a cupcake.

"I always say you can't frown when you're eating cake. It's like...literally impossible." She hummed.

Tilly chuckled and reached for another. "I agree." 

She sipped her drink, cream getting over her lips.

"Let me get that." Margot leaned in, kissing her sweetly.

"I think you just managed to get it over yourself too." Tilly chuckled, flushing. 

"My bad." Margot grinned, squeezing her. 

They took their treats to the sofas and put a Disney film on the tv, quiet since Rogers' was still asleep.

Wrapped in a blanket, warm and cosy, Tilly felt the beginnings of sleep pull at her brain. 

Finishing her hot chocolate, she leaned into Margot. 

"Sleep, beautiful. Tomorrow will be a better day. I promise." She said softly, arm around her. 

"I'll always watch over you, Till, you're safe. You're home."

That sounded perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed. Thank you for all the support. Lots of love <3


	6. Night in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry it's been a hot minute. If you just want to just get to the fic just skip this part. I went to Enchanted con over the weekend and met Lana, Bex, Adelaide, Vic, Kristin, Sean, Jared, Jaime and Giles and honestly I'm still dying. There's rumours Rose (our beloved Tilly/Alice) will be at the next one and I can't believe I might get to meet the woman who played one of my fave queer characters ever. In case it's hard to tell I'm hella gay and I'm so thankful for the Alice/Robin relationship. I'm already planning a Tilly cosplay and a Robin one. Anyway, I'm suffering with post con depression and on top of that I have some issues that mean I can barely leave my bed rn. So I thought I'd write some more so I could feel like I actually accomplished something today haha. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Ps is it painfully obvious I really want/need a relationship like this because heck I really do. Plus if it wasn't clear, Alice is a little bit like me and I've adapted what she goes through a bit to mirror some of my things. Call it creative licence but I can see all this happening canonically if they'd only touched on her mental health some more. Anyway.
> 
> Ps the Enchanted Forest colouring book really exists and it's awesome.
> 
> Tw's as usual, tread carefully. Love you all.

"Till? You around?" Margot asked, setting down the grocery bags and locking the door with the spare key she'd been given.

She could hear the shower running and she'd ran into Rogers' not long ago at the station so it had to be Tilly.

Not wanting to be weird and go in there, Margot sat down and flicked through her dog-eared copy of Alice in Wonderland. 

Her and Tilly had planned a cute stay in date, some nice food and some cheesy movies to watch. 

She'd picked up ingredients for cookies since that was one of Tilly's favourite things to make.

Tilly had been struggling lately, and leaving the apartment had been a bit of an issue.

Margot had introduced Tilly to those adult colouring books and they'd accumulated quite a collection of those and more pens then they could ever need.

She'd bought the girl a new book, called the Enchanted Forest, and was excited for a nice night in colouring and being with her girl.

Tilly had been a while in the shower and she was debating going to check on her when she heard a soft sob and the sound of glass breaking.

In seconds, Margot was hammering on the door to the bathroom. 

"Tilly? Till, I'm coming in." She pushed the door open and stuck her head around it. 

The room was so steamed up it was almost impossible to see the blonde, so she stepped inside. 

Tilly was standing, fully clothed and drenched head to toe, in the middle of the bathroom. 

She'd dropped a mirror and the shards covered the floor.

"Tilly, it's me, Margot." She stepped forward, hands held up in surrender. 

"M...Margot-" the girl shuddered, stepping back, her feet crunching into the mirror shards.

Margot winced and touched her arm. The skin was bright red and hot to the touch, like she'd been sitting under boiling water for an hour. 

She probably had. She should've come in earlier. Should've checked on her.

Margot gently guided the girl to the wall, turning off the water before wrapping her arm around Tilly and leading her outside the bathroom.

Once in the living room, she sat Tilly doen and knelt in front of her, holding her hands.

"Tilly, sweetheart." She said softly. "What's happening?"

"I..." She stammered, shaking her head. "I dunno. I'm wet so...I was in the shower, wasn't I? Or...was I?" She frowned.

"Do you know why you're in your clothes, beautiful?"

"I...felt...heard them talking about me so I...I thought the water would cleanse me. Would make it stop." She whispered.

"Oh, Till, it's okay." She kissed the backs of her hands. "I know it's scary. But you don't need to cleanse yourself, sweetheart, I promise we will figure it out."

"I...broke the mirror." The girl sniffed, wincing as her bloodied feet dug into the carpet.

"I just...I was looking into it. And...they were behind me and I just dropped it. Now...Now I've got even more bad luck, how do I get over that? What if it means I lose you, lose Rogers' and Weaver. Lose myself?"

"You will never lose any of us. Or yourself. You're Tilly. The girl who loves marmalade sandwiches, stops to stroke the stray cats, talks to the troll under the bridge. You're the girl who makes cookies every weekend to give them out to the homeless man down the street. You love flannel shirts and boots. You colour so neatly and so precisely it astounds me how creative you are. You never get tired of the Marvel films, and you think Black Widow deserves her own movie. You like cinnamon on your hot chocolate, rainbow sprinkles on your cupcakes, chocolate syrup on your pancakes. You're kind, and true, and brave. And you will never lose that." She squeezed her hands.

Tilly lifted her head, eyes cloudy with tears. "No?"

"No. Never. I won't allow it." Margot said firmly. "I promise. And I don't break promises." She lifted her pinky finger and after a few moments, Tilly wrapped hers around it. 

"Pinky promises are the strongest of bonds. They're unbreakable." Margot said softly.

"Now, let's get you into some dry clothes." 

Once they'd both changed into pyjamas, they settled on the sofa. 

The bathroom could be sorted out later.

Margot gently cleaned the bottoms of the girls feet, carefully wrapping them up with a bandage. 

"There." She said softly, sitting beside her.

"What's in the bags?" Tilly asked softly, leaning into Margot.

"Some treats for my best girl." She hummed.

"Pizza for dinner, candy apples for dessert. Stuff to make cookies. Some fantastic hot chocolate powder. A new colouring book." 

"Yeah?" Tilly perked up, reaching for the bags.

"Enchanted forest. It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful." Margot replied softly.

Tilly grinned, flush rising on her cheeks. 

"You wanna get all the pens out whilst I plate up dinner?"

The blonde smiled widely and nodded, rushing off to collect everything.

Tilly could sometimes pull herself out of bad days, but sometimes she need the help of her girlfriend. 

Margot was always happy to help.

That night, watching Tilly stick her tongue out as she coloured with the precision of an artist, thoroughly enjoy the food, make a mess out of the cookies and nuzzle into her as they watched Avengers Assemble for the thousandth time, Margot realised just how in love with this girl she was. 

She had hit the jackpot, and the bad days never ruined the good.

And the bad didn't mean the good was erased.

Bad days, good days, and days in between, Margot would be there for all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please drop a comment if you enjoyed <3


	7. NOT AN UPDATE

Hi everyone. I didn't want to add a suicide attempt to this fic, but I have written something that is kinda a partner fic. I did it this way so those who didn't want to read a suicide attempt could just ignore it. If you do want to check it out it's called Too Upside Down (I'm bad at titles). Heed the trigger warnings. Check it out if you feel comfortable and safe. Lots of love. Sophie <3


	8. Another episode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I understand some people might not be so happy with how sporadic my updates are. But I am chronically ill and mentally ill and I try my hardest to write as often as I can. But I also have a lot of other fics on the go, my fault but I like to write more than one fandom or storyline at once. If you enjoy my fic and don't mind a little random uploading then thank you for sticking with me. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> I hope post curse break chapters will be coming soon but tbh I'm loving writing the cursed personas without the fairy tale stuff. Soon I promise.
> 
> Tw's as usual apply so be careful. Lots of love.

The day had been...not bad, but not exactly good either.

Tilly had had a shift at the food truck whilst Margot had been working at the bar.

They'd met at Rogers' home after, Margot with bar food for dinner and Tilly with beignets for dessert.

Rogers' had picked up the day shift so he could have the evening free.

Tilly had been quiet, reserved, hardly touching the food when usually she was so into food.

The three of them had settled on the sofa to watch a film.

They'd scanned Netflix but had ultimately decided on Avengers Assemble. Again. Tilly's favourite.

About the time Clint invaded the hellicarrier, Tilly started to fidget.

It started out small; tapping her foot, wringing her hands.

Soon it progressed to rocking on the spot, and mumbling under her breath.

On the screen, as Natasha knocked Clint out, Tilly sprung to her feet.

The film was forgotten as the girl crowded herself against the wall, hands tangled in her hair.

"Stop, stop, stop!" Her voice rose, palms hitting her temples as her legs gave way and she sank down to the floor.

"Shut up!" 

Rogers' and Margot exchanged glances, starting to walk towards the girl.

"Don't!" She screamed, wild eyes pulling themselves from the floor. 

The pair stopped, hands held up in surrender.

"Tilly, sweetheart, it's just us-" Margot said softly, crouching down to her height.

"You're okay, love, we won't hurt you. It's okay." Rogers' said quietly.

Tilly whispered, one hand tangling back in her hair, the other hitting the side of her head. 

"Just stop, stop!" She sobbed.

"Babe-" Margot took a tentative step forward.

"Don't touch me!" Tilly roared, standing and pushing her way through the two of them, running up the stairs.

Margot swallowed and hastily rubbed at her eyes before following her.

At Tilly's bedroom door, the two of them pressed their hands to the wood.

"Tilly, it's us. It's okay. You can trust us." Margot called, tapping the door frame. 

There was no lock, but she wouldn't enter without permission. This was Tilly's space.

She wouldn't invade it unless she was certain Tilly was in danger.

There was the sound of sobbing and things being thrown around the room.

When the clattering had died down, Rogers' knocked again.

"Starfish, please let us in. We can help." He said softly, voice strained.

It was silent for a moment and Rogers' was about to burst in, thinking the worst when a scream sounded throughout the apartment.

The door was pushed open in an instant and the two were rushing through the door, panicked.

Tilly was sat in the middle of the carnage, face buried in her hands, sobbing.

"Tilly..." they both moved slowly, hands still up.

"They...were so loud." Tilly hiccuped, voice muffled by her hands.

"Its okay." Margot said softly. "It's okay, sweetheart. Can we come closer?"

"Please-" the blonde choked out, lifting her face.

Rogers' very subtly looked up and down her arms, seeing nothing new there and moving to her.

They sat either side of her, arms wrapping around her shoulders as they held her close.

"S...sorry-" she whispered brokenly.

"No need to be sorry, my love." Margot whispered back, kissing her hand.

"Its okay, Starfish. You're okay. This happens but we get through it. You get through it. Always."

"I wanted to...I thought about..."

Both Margot and Rogers' inhaled sharply.

"I...I didn't." Tilly shook her head. "Thought about it. But...but didn't." 

"That's...amazing, Tilly. You're so strong. And brave." Margot squeezed her a little tighter.

"We can do this together. Get through it. Live." Rogers' hummed, exhaling and kissing Tilly's forehead, where red marks lay from the hitting.

All in all, with her past of both unintentional and intentional self harm, this didn't even rank in the top ten bad episodes.

"I...threw a lot of stuff." Tilly sighed softly.

"Stuff can be replaced. You can't." Rogers' murmured.

"There's no one like our Tilly." Margot chimed in.

"We can worry about the mess later." Rogers' pulled away and stood, offering both his hands out.

"Now, how about we get you your night meds, make some popcorn and hot chocolate and finish your favourite film?" He asked, smiling softly at the two girls.

Tilly smiled weakly and nodded. "Yeah. I'd like that."

"You two get yourselves settled, I'll be down in a minute." Margot waved them off. Once the two left to go to the living room, Margot rummaged through some of the chaos.

She grabbed the fluffy blanket the two girls often shared, as well as her tactile bunny rabbit stuffie (a very helpful gift from Margot).

She carried then downstairs to find hot chocolate made and popcorn almost ready.

Tilly was sat on the sofa, tear streaks still lining her cheeks.

Margot gently wrapped the blanket around her, tucking the bunny into the crook of her arm.

After that, she ran a cloth under warm water and gently wiped the remainder of the make up and tear stains from Tilly's face.

She was already in cosy clothes, so Margot just pushed Tilly's feet into her slippers and went to grab bowls for the popcorn.

Tilly was often very shaky after an episode, and for some reason very cold and very hungry.

She hadn't eaten much dinner so the girl made her love some marmalade sandwiches too, as well as the left over beignets. 

With the popcorn done, Margot and Rogers' returned to their places on the sofa.

Margot had her arm wrapped around Tilly as they resumed the film.

Playing with her girlfriends fingers, Tilly leaned her head against her shoulder, quietly muttering the words to the film that she knew by heart.

In between the two who loved her most in the world, and always saw her, Tilly didn't feel so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was inspired by one, one of my own personal ptsd induced episodes and two by the film I just watched Brain on Fire. Not a mental health film but the illness the girl had brought on psychosis and manic episodes. I don't think we ever got a first name for Rogers' did we? It feels weird constantly writing that so I might just opt for saying Killian instead. Lemme know what you think. I hope you enjoyed. So much much and until next time❤


	9. Lists

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been a while I know don't hate me. I got to see my best friend for the first time in over 3 and half years so that was my priority. And also I'm struggling with chronic illness and brain fog is so real. I hope this chapter makes sense. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this or when the curse break will be so I'm just writing what comes to me. Hope you enjoy anyways.

Tilly stopped by Roni's on her lunch break, carrying an armful of books that she placed carefully down on the bar. 

Roni smiled at her. "Hey Tilly, what can I get ya?"

"Just a hot chocolate please. Is Margot around?"

"She's in the back, I'll get her for you." 

Tilly couldn't help but notice the look in the woman's eyes.

She looked...sad?

But in an instant it was gone as Roni turned to call Margot and make her drink.

Ten minutes later, the girls sat in the back of the bar, sharing one seat as they flicked through the books.

"I found some new ones at pops book shop. I thought since we were making lists, we could search for some new things."

The two had started writing lists not long after they'd officially gotten together.

They wrote lists on foods to try, places to travel to, activities to do.

Together.

Tilly had never felt like this in her whole life. 

Belonging. Trust. Love.

Plus the lists gave her something to look forward to.

Even on her worst days, she could look at those lists and be reminded of all the good things to come.

They ranged from small stuff like make pancakes, read the same book together, take silly pictures in a photo booth.

And then bigger stuff like swim with dolphins, eat real sushi in Japan, go on a boat ride, see the pyramids.

Tilly tried to quell the thoughts that popped into her head.

About what would happen if Margot left her, if all she had of her were those lists.

But Margot was a part of her happiness, not the whole of it.

And they were doing good, really good, and Tilly didn't want to think about what could happen.

"I know." Margot hummed, opening a map of the world. "Close your eyes and touch the book. Where you land is where we'll go first."

Tilly smiled and placed her hot chocolate down, closing her eyes. 

She moved her finger around and slowly brought it down.

Margot couldn't help the laugh that escaped. 

"Unless you want to swim in the Antarctic, I think you should try again."

Tilly nodded and carefully put her finger down again. 

"Huh." Margot hummed.

Tilly opened her eyes and looked down. 

America. Tallahassee.

"Not quite the adventure we had planned." Tilly smiled. 

"Going anywhere with you is an adventure." Margot hummed. "It might be cool there."

"Really? We're going to Tallahassee?"

"Why not? We did say whatever you landed on first."

"Tallahassee it is." Tilly beamed, leaning in to kiss her.

"I can't wait." Margot smiled, eyes shining.

"Me neither." The blonde tucked herself into her girlfriends side, closing her eyes for a moment.

"You okay?" Margot asked softly, stroking a hand through Tilly's hair. 

"Huh?" Tilly blinked, touching her cheeks. She didn't even realise she'd been crying. 

"What's wrong?" Margot frowned.

Tilly shook her head, hastily rubbing her eyes. "I don't know. I think...maybe I'm happy?"

Margot's face softened and she cupped Tilly's chin with one hand. "You are?"

"Yes." The blonde swallowed. "And I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" The girl tutted, wiping a tear away. 

"I wish I could just be happy. But happy...leads to over thinking. And wondering when it will end. And I spiral."

"Till." Margot kissed the tip of her nose. "I know how you feel. And it's okay."

"How is it okay? I...we're having a nice time and I...I always ruin it with my thinking and my thoughts and-"

"You do not ruin anything. You're scared. Worried. That is okay."

Tilly sighed and dropped her gaze to her hands, twisting in her lap.

"I just want to be normal. Happy without the rest of it." She said quietly.

"I know. But normal is overrated. And what is normal anyway? You're you." Margot wrapped her arm around Tilly and rubbed her arm.

"I'm me." She said quietly, closing her eyes and sighing. 

"I will do whatever I can to keep you happy. But you're doing it too, Till. Taking your meds, therapy, opening up up to us. You're not alone. And you're so strong."

The blonde nodded weakly, smiling a little. "I love you."

"I love you." Margot handed her her drink and smiled warmly. 

"Now, since we're going to Tallahassee, we need to figure out what the pack. How to get there. Where to stay."

Lists helped her ground herself. 

"C'mon, I need my girl to help me write the best list ever." Margot hummed, passing her a pen and opening a clean notebook page.

"Now, what's the weather like there?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was short, I know. And I didn't want every chapter to be a complete episode because that's not realistic. I hope it was okay nonetheless. Please leave a comment and if you have any ideas I'm eager to hear them so please let me know!


	10. Roni to the rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This chapter goes out to Link31 who wanted a Tilly and Roni moment. Happy to oblige! Please leave a comment if there's anything you'd like to see, and I'll probably do it. Still unsure about when curse break is coming. Sorry not sorry but I love cursed Alice so sue me. Enjoy!

Roni had had a hell of a day. She'd managed to convince Lucy to stop snooping if she herself wasn't around, and it was torture seeing her family every day and not having them know her.

Interacting with Henry, trying to balance the way she spoke to him, was exhausting.

She needed to get out of the bar and away from Zel- Kelly. She had to remember to use the right names.

She pulled on her jacket and slipped away from the noises of happy hour.

She didn't have a destination in mind, just felt like walking for a while.

She'd been walking for about twenty minutes when she saw her.

Tilly, shoeless, looking confused and stumbling with nearly every step.

Alice may have not been a blood relation to her, but they'd spent a lot of time together in the other land. 

Roni couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for the girl.

"Tilly?" Roni stepped towards her, slowly so she didn't startle her.

The blonde blinked at her, tilting her head.

"Hey, it's just me. It's Roni. What're you doing out here?"

"I...I don't know. Where is here?" Tilly frowned, her eyes clouded.

Roni gently wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "We're a little ways from the bar. What happened to your shoes?"

Tilly glanced down, wiggling her toes and shrugging. "Forgot."

"Here." Roni bent and slid off her shoes. They were too big for Tilly, but she would at least be able to walk in them.

Roni had socks on too, so she wouldn't hurt her feet either. She made a mental note to carry an extra pair of socks in her bag from now on.

"How about we get you inside, yeah? Have a hot chocolate." Roni slid her arm through Tilly's, patting her hand. 

"Inside?" The girl asked quietly, rubbing her eyes hard enough to see stars.

"Inside. It's a little cold out here, don't you think? It'll be nicer inside." She gently started walking and Tilly obediently followed.

They made it to the bar and Roni helped Tilly over the threshold, seating her away from all the other people drinking.

"I'll be right back." She told the girl, meeting Kelly at the bar. 

"Keep an eye on her, if she gets up to leave, try to convince her to sit back down."

"What's wrong with her?" Kelly looked from the girl to her sister.

"She's just...having an episode. It happens. Rob...Margot is usually very good with her."

Kelly nodded. Her daughter's girlfriend was truly a wonderful girl, but she did get muddled easily. 

Since her daughter had gotten back into Alice's life, the girl had seemed better. Well, she wandered less, and remembered her shoes more. 

But Margot had been busy, and was off sorting out bar supplies.

Roni came back from the storage room, holding a blanket.

"I could..." Kelly began.

"Have you spoken to her here?" Roni asked quietly. 

"Not really. You're right. You should go." 

"Make a hot chocolate for me?" Roni asked.

"With cinnamon. Sure." She squeezed her sisters hand before moving to make the drink.

Tilly looked up as Roni came over, blinking and rubbing her eyes again. "What's goin' on?"

"Nothing bad, love." She held the blanket up and gently, tenderly, tucked it around the girl.

"Warmer?" She asked, unable to stop herself reaching over and brushing a strand of hair from her forehead.

"Mm, yes. But why am I here?" Tilly's eyes looked brighter and as a whole, she looked less confused.

"You were outside. You looked lost. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Not again." She sighed, shaking her head, unshed tears welling up in her eyes. 

"It's okay, Tilly. It happens, yeah? I found you and you're okay. That's what matters."

"I'm sorry." A soft sigh. "I haven't...been that confused for a while. Margot helps things be...not so upside down. Sometimes I can stop it myself, sometimes I can't."

"You're not alone." Kelly had walked over, setting the hot chocolate down in front of the girl.

"You're part of the family now, whether you want to be or not." The redhead smiled, squeezing her shoulder. "Remember that even if my daughter isn't around, you can come to me or Roni. Okay?"

"Okay." Tilly nodded, cradling the warm cup in her hands. "Thank you."

"Family sticks together, kid." Roni said quietly. 

''We always will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter because my addled brain will not let me write for very long today. Sorry! But I wanted to get something up.


	11. Everyone has bad days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Another long hiatus I'm sorry. Sometimes ideas don't come for a while, you know? And this little chapter just came to me today. Anyways, I hope you can forgive me and you enjoy. TWs as usual.

The day started out pretty good.

Tilly had begun to get into a routine, and tried to follow it as much as she could. When the routine was in place, she felt better about the day.

She set her alarm, slept through it maybe twice before waking up. She would fiddle on her phone whilst she properly woke up. Get up and get ready for the day. She would even make breakfast most days.

A couple days a week, she would go and work with Simone at the food truck, and the other days she would at least try and do one productive thing before settling at either the bar or home for the day.

She didn't have work today and she'd decided on her productive thing for the day being a nice walk.

It was chilly out, so she layered up with a flannel, cardigan and her trusty coat. 

She packed her reusable grocery bags, figuring that her walk could take her past her the cute little store and then that would be two productive things.

Heading outside, she took a deep breath of the cool air. It was cold for sure, but the sky was blue and the sun was shining. It was a beautiful day.

Feeling good, despite the tiredness always lingering around, she had a definitive pep to her step.

She stopped a couple of times on her way; unpacking homemade cookies and handing them to Frank, the lovely homeless man that stayed down the street, petting the kitties that she came across, bending to pick some wild daisies.

When she came to the grocery store, she picked up her usual marmalade sandwiches from the counter and packed her bags with fresh produce; excited to make a nice dinner for her girlfriend. Takeout was great, especially when she was feeling bad, but she was feeling good and Margot deserved a nice meal.

When the shopping was done, Tilly headed to the bar. She had her new colouring book packed, her journal, the book she was currently reading, and her best pens. The same things she would be doing at home, but sometimes getting out of the house was good.

Margot was working most of the day, but the girl would sit with her on her breaks.

Tilly had the money now to buy her own drinks, and would have a steady stream of them throughout the day, and the bar food was pretty damn good. Her sandwiches were only her snack.

She settled into her usual corner, in the comfy chairs towards the back of the bar.

She spread her journal and pens across the table, placing her coat over the back of the chair before heading over to the bar.

It was only about eleven am, so the place was kind of empty as the woman tapped her fingers against the bar.

Kelly smiled as she saw her, waving and coming over. 

"Hey, Tilly. How's your morning?" She asked, already filling up a glass with OJ; it was always Tilly's first order.

"Good," the girl grinned, "nice. I had a walk and got some groceries for when Margot comes over tonight." 

"That does sound nice," Kelly hummed, sliding the drink over to her.

Tilly counted out her change and handed it over as she popped a straw from her bag into the drink; reusable of course.

"Where is Margot?" She asked softly as she took a sip of the juice.

Kelly glanced behind her, brows furrowing a little. "She should be out here by now. Why don't you go on back, I can keep an eye on your stuff."

With a soft nod, a little worried, she stepped behind the bar and into the back room.

"Margot?" She asked softly, heading through to the break room. She knocked softly, frowning as a little sob echoed from within.

She pushed the door open, tentatively stepping inside. "Mar?" She asked softly.

Margot lifted her head slowly, tear tracks down her face. 

In seconds, Tilly was beside the woman, arms wrapping around her. "Oh, Mar, you're okay." She whispered. "What's wrong, love?"

Margot sniffled, burying her face against Tilly's neck. "I don't," she hiccuped softly, "I don't know."

"You're okay," Tilly brushed through the other woman's hair, holding her close. "Everyone had bad moments, everyone had bad days. There isn't always an answer, love, you know that."

She adjusted their position, squeezing down into the seat beside Margot, having the other woman nearly completely sit on her lap.

Her arms wound around her, pulling Margot close to her chest. "You're going to be okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

Margot shivered and squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her face into her palms. "I just...I'm not feeling so good," she said quietly, "I'm just...sad. Frustrated. I don't even know what about, I don't know what's wrong." More tears spilled out down the womans cheeks.

Tilly carried on brushing through her hair. "That's okay. Not knowing is okay, what you're feeling is okay. Why don't we... I know I put a lot on you, love, why don't we look at getting you someone to talk to?" She suggested softly. "It helps and maybe they can help you realise what's going on?" Margot had been getting like this more and more often and Tilly knew the signs of depression far too well.

Margot sighed, tiredly rubbing her hands over her eyes. "Maybe." Is all she said, leaning heavily against Margot.

"Maybe is all I ask, love. That you just think about it, yeah?" The blonde squeezed the other woman tight.

"I will." Margot nodded, sniffling and looking up at Tilly, a watery smile on her face.

"Now, why don't we go ask your mum if you can have an hour to have some brunch with me, hmm? Are you in the mood for eggs? I'm in the mood for eggs."

Margot laughed softly, leaning up to press a kiss to Tilly's jaw. "Eggs sound great. Did you bring our lists?"

"I did. You want to write something new?" She asked softly.

"Reasons why I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope I did okay. I have no idea how many chapters this thing will have, maybe a lot tbh. The next chapter will probably feature more Rogers' and some Margot and maybe some Weaver. Please drop a kudos and a comment if you enjoyed, they make me very happy. Until next time❤


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